I want to be content with myself, by myself. But how do you do that?
I'm terrified of being alone. :(
Labels: personal
Spent Sunday night crying myself to sleep. Couldn't hold back my tears and I just had to cry.
Labels: personal
Sick to my stomach with anxiety.
So much self doubt.
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First day back at work after being off for three weeks. Whoa.
It went fine, I was just a little anxious this morning about making sure I got everything taken care of.. And of course I just wanted to make sure I was up to date with everything. (so not ready this morning)
I slept like shit last night because my anxiety was so high... So high, I was shaking at work for a little while.
Now that I'm home, I'm trying to make this pain in my chest go away. Breathe damnit BREATHE.
Hubby is helping me cook dinner. so I feel okay. I hope this anxiety dissipates.
Labels: personal
The root to my sadness is loneliness. I have no friends. I crave that social acceptance that I never and still don't have. :<
Someone be my friend.
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Woke up.
Numb.
Sat up.
Numb.
Walked to the restroom, starred at myself in the mirror.
Numb.
Weighed myself.
Discontent.
Numb.
Wandered the kitchen for 15 minutes.
Numb.
Nothing healthy to eat.
Stomach growls.
Numb.
Forced to make food that it's healthy.
Upset.
Numb.
Labels: personal
I think this is my struggle. Weight and knowing that there's an actual comfort zone now that I accepted recovery. I have always been under ----lbs and letting myself get above that has been something I didn't want to accept.
Yes, weight gain is scary.
Yes, it's uncomfortable.
Yes, it's something I need to do to recover.
I have to maintain because I cannot afford letting it control me again... :<
Labels: personal
