http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kimanzi-constable/5-mistakes-to-avoid-when-_b_6208090.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009
Labels: personal
I've been a little on edge because I hate when there isn't structure or some kind of schedule for myself.. I get anxious and my anxiety is just unmanageable.
Going to make a to do list for myself since I don't have to work quite as early.
Monday: 4am wake up
- 30min elliptical (4:20 - 4:50am workout)
- 6-2pm (work)
Tuesday: 4am wake up
- 30min elliptical (4:20 - 4:50am workout)
- 6-2pm (work)
- 5-1:45pm (work)
- 2/2:30pm get home workout 30min elliptical
Thursday: 4am wake up
- 30min elliptical (4:20 - 4:50am workout)
- 6-2pm (work)
Hopefully this pans out and I actually accomplish this. :/ I can never follow through with my plans.. Everything goes to shit.. Zero motivation. :s
Gotta make sure I stick to this. I've been so low on energy and I have to figure out why. :/
Labels: personal
I am terrified of being stuck at where I am at right now. This shit is scary and I don't know what to do. :(
Labels: personal
I feel ugly.. Is that possible?
Labels: personal
First time in a long time that I am actually sexually aroused.... It's bad timing and I'm not wanted. :'(
My fault I guess.. Bad timing on my part.
I feel gross now. :/
Labels: personal
Trying to be selfless. But how do you be selfless...
Labels: personal
I want to control things I cannot control. The struggled to accept what is out of my control will always control me.
Labels: personal
I want to be content with myself, by myself. But how do you do that?
I'm terrified of being alone. :(
Labels: personal
Spent Sunday night crying myself to sleep. Couldn't hold back my tears and I just had to cry.
Labels: personal
Sick to my stomach with anxiety.
So much self doubt.
Labels: personal
First day back at work after being off for three weeks. Whoa.
It went fine, I was just a little anxious this morning about making sure I got everything taken care of.. And of course I just wanted to make sure I was up to date with everything. (so not ready this morning)
I slept like shit last night because my anxiety was so high... So high, I was shaking at work for a little while.
Now that I'm home, I'm trying to make this pain in my chest go away. Breathe damnit BREATHE.
Hubby is helping me cook dinner. so I feel okay. I hope this anxiety dissipates.
Labels: personal
The root to my sadness is loneliness. I have no friends. I crave that social acceptance that I never and still don't have. :<
Someone be my friend.
Labels: personal
Woke up.
Numb.
Sat up.
Numb.
Walked to the restroom, starred at myself in the mirror.
Numb.
Weighed myself.
Discontent.
Numb.
Wandered the kitchen for 15 minutes.
Numb.
Nothing healthy to eat.
Stomach growls.
Numb.
Forced to make food that it's healthy.
Upset.
Numb.
Labels: personal
I think this is my struggle. Weight and knowing that there's an actual comfort zone now that I accepted recovery. I have always been under ----lbs and letting myself get above that has been something I didn't want to accept.
Yes, weight gain is scary.
Yes, it's uncomfortable.
Yes, it's something I need to do to recover.
I have to maintain because I cannot afford letting it control me again... :<
Labels: personal
After a beautiful two weeks in Hawaii, I cannot stress how much I would love to live there. My husband and I discussed the possibility of moving there. My heart is still in Hawaii. You have no idea. :3
Any who. I was anxious at times about my weight situation but not quite as much as my appearance. I may have expressed it a few time but my actions were quite the opposite. I was in a bikini and shorts pretty much everyday. That alone is just an accomplishment. <<
Now that I'm back home, I feel like I need to do something.. There's no structure to my day because I'm not working and this is a downfall of mine.. I tend to get anxious when there's nothing for me (scheduled) to do. :/ Weird but it's the truth. Guess I'll figure that out and hopefully before 11am. *sighs*
Poor hubby is sick and wants to sleep more, so I'm left to my own devices... Which means online shopping. e__e
Labels: personal
I cannot sit still.. I always need to be doing something...
Concerned that I won't actually be able to relax in Hawaii next week. :<
Labels: personal
Wake up to fight myself, and for what?
Labels: personal
Is there no end to this madness?
Finding out who you are has been the most challenging endeavor.. I don't know where to begin, how to accept and to stop regretting.
Labels: personal
This may take a while...
Labels: personal
